thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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