it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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