Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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