I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Enjoy the penises
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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