I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
