Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've blown a few things in my day
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
