recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
