dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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