I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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