the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
