Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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