I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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