I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
