my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
