mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
