Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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