Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
