Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
