While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
