Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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