Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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