i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
