Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
