i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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