I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
