The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
