3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
