strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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