she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
