please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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