I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
