I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
