Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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