I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
