u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
