you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
