I have demons in me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
