My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two words: blizzard sex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
