I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
