How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
