Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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