she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
