if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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