I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
