...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
