But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
