I hate your face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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