Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
