My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
