Your dad touched me again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
