i jhust puked up my retainher.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
