It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she told me i tasted like america
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
