I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
